the smoke is settling and there are beautiful flowers emerging from the crevices of my mind
i was healing, i was happy, then i stabbed myself again just to see if it hurt
feeling like I'm falling back into the flames
I won't
I won't
just a taste and then I'll jump back out I promise
i feel so broken
one day the moth will stop being attracted to the flame, and find other lights that don't burn so intensely, calm soft lights that feel like home
being scared of confidence while being attracted to confidence and wanting to be more confident... very distressing
i had a dream that my legs were so weak i couldn't stand up
head calm / hands shaky
why does my whole torso feel like it's about to burst
at least I'm to blame for this longing and emptiness, at least I'm the one in control
i want to burn it all to the ground
i have so much hurt inside of me / friend make sense of me friend make sense of me
it's really hard to learn new things or hold space for others in conversation when my brain is filled up with exhaustion
tears on the dance floor
seated sidewalk sobbing
maybe anxiety tolerance is mostly just bravery
teardrops in my earholes
it's been feeling really hard to not have a go-to person to talk to about feelings, but this is an important transition for me to have a more reliable and distributed network of support. but oof
I don't have anything original to say. My body feels like it's being torn apart and I wish it would stop. I wish it would stop. I wish it would stop
it's different it's different it's different i feel like you don't understand i feel so alone
i try to read, but too many thoughts are in my brain and there's not enough space for new words
I so badly want to be one of the in group and I worry it's entirely out of fear of being unlikable
someone please pull the weight out of my chest
worried about the way i worry about being worried
hallucinating futures
Oh, when all of your body's burning up
When all of your body's burning up
You live like a zombie
Turn it off, push it down
And it comes back 'round again
sometimes i express anxious thoughts to someone without doing the whole "and i know this isn't true because xyz" because it's exhausting to go through the whole rigmarole, but then they say "well that isn't true because xyz" and i feel like a dumb anxious mess
laugh a genuine a laugh and brain says that's weird why you are laughing and now you're laughing while anxious so it's probably fake no joy for you
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